13 January, 2022 AE: Fort Calderone, Virgon
Pride. Service. Victory.
The battlecry of the Leonian military-industrial complex. For all that we love our history, I sometimes think we love it too much. We lost the war, Dad. Welcome to the new millennium. There's no glory, out there in the stars, no great campaigns to be waged between the worlds. There's just us, Mom and I, following along in your wake. How long was I on Leonis after I was born? A day, two, when you brought me down from the Orion to show me off. Did you think it would colour me, change me, to have me born aboard the ship? 'The military's in your blood, Mena.' Was that the first time you used those words? Or was it after you left us at Acropolis Forge, to go on without you, while you went off to find your own personal glory. Did you think I was better off? Growing up on the base, going to school, learning about rank and discipline and duty at the same time I learned to walk and talk and fight? The Colonel's daughter, shuttled in to grow up with the enlisted brats. 'You'll learn how to be strong.' Well, I did learn, Dad. I learned that the sins of the father are suffered by their children.
I suppose that's why I enlisted. Why I tore up the letter you had sent over to me especially. An appointment to the Fleet Academy you loved so much. Because I learned what you never did. That power needs to be earned, not expected. That experience is a better teacher than rank. That a good leader knows how and when to follow. You climbed the ladder pushing people off as you went. You charged ahead, with no thought to the people left behind. Maybe the military was in my blood. But not your military. And not your fleet. I can still remember the feeling of absolute freedom, as I stepped off of that bus at Calderone. And all around me nothing but marine duty greys. Maybe the military was in my blood, but I would meet it on my own terms. No longer would I be Ximena Alteris, Daughter of Commander Leto Alteris, XO of the Assaultstar Actaeon. Here. I was just, no, not just. I was Ximena Alteris, Assault Engineer, CMC.
6 August, 2031 AE: CMC Base Hospital, Fort Calderone, Virgon
I finally made it back full circle, Dad. I found the war and the glory and the victory you spent your life chasing after. And you know what, Dad? It's a bitter wine, when it washes away the rest of your life. I hope you never have to drink so deeply. We were boots down in the south of Sagittaron. Another long, hard struggle to quell the SSLF. Working our way through a village on the outskirts of Aera Yazd they had mowed down for being 'Colonial sympathizers'. Trying to do the good thing, trying to do the human thing. Rebuilding homes, rebuilding lives. We'd just made it into the old warehouse where they had managed to squirrel away most of the women and children. All dead, all gutted, left to fill the place with the stink of corpses. Carrion for the gods of war. We tried to move the bodies, but, I suppose they didn't even have the decency to leave the dead a shred of dignity. They used them, instead, as tools for destruction. The place came down around us, as the sensor triggers, set off when the men ahead of us tried to salvage what was left of the children. Explosive charges built into the structural members of the building. I couldn't have designed it better myself, I remember thinking, just before half of a roof came down on top of me. I crawled out, my partner didn't.
They tell me I'm going to be a couple of months in rehab, might want to rethink my battle plan. But I don't think there is another battle plan. Whatever it was I thought of you, of the life you made us live, I never wanted to be anything but a soldier. And I don't hate you, Dad, not anymore. I just wish you could see that serving isn't the end. It's just a means to an end. If we don't have something to fight for, then why are we fighting? And I love the Marines. Since the first day of AIT, I never wanted to be anything but an Assault Engineer. But what if this rehab takes longer than they're telling me? What do I do then? I can't just sit in this room all day, looking at the rest of the walking wounded, most of whom look more like the walking dead. Their bodies are moving, but there's nothing going on behind their eyes. I can't be like that, I won't let this defeat me. I'm still your daughter, and I'm still a soldier. I just have to find a way to remind my body to do what I need it to do.
16 December, 2032 AE: Fort Keres, Picon
A year and a half Dad, that's how long it took me to get out of rehab. How long it took me to finally pass the physical fitness tests and prove my ability to continue in the fleet. I still have pain, though, but I dare not tell them that. They'll send me back for more tests. And I had enough of those to last me a lifetime. But I didn't sit idle, while I was in the hospital. I kept thinking…what happens if I can't serve in a forward position? What'll I do then? I've been studying engineering. It's not that much different from what I do. Maintenance, building, repair, construction. It's just about keeping what's built going, rather than building what doesn't yet exist, or what once existed, but doesn't anymore. I think it's come in handy, my experience as an Sapper. I got so used to thinking creatively while I was in the field, learning how to make things out of nothing, I think I have a feel for thinking outside of the box that, well, quite a few of the engineers I met and studied with didn't have. You'd probably laugh. I got so used to being called Chief, I don't even bother to correct them anymore. There's only so many ways you can say, 'It's Sarge', before it just gets easier not to correct them. It's not their fault they've probably never seen a Marine before. Well, you know what I mean.
9 April, 2035 AE: Assaultstar Orion, Caprica Space
The world is full of circles, Dad. I wish you could be here to see it. Back where I was born, working down in the decks below where I took my first breath. To tell you the truth, we don't get much chance to be on the ground out here, so I'd be moldering on this ship, if I didn't spend most of my time in Engineering. I've been studying, working, learning from them, while they learn from me. It's not like it is in the rest of the ship. Nobody thinks they're better than anyone else. We're all snipes down here. We're all working in the same machine. And most of the time, our clothes are too full of oil and grease to be able to read the rank pips on your collar, or the service marks on your sleeves. Actually, I'm not sure most of the folks down here wear sleeves, except on inspection days.
1 January, 2038 AE: Fort Argus, Sagittaron
It's my birthday, Dad, and I just put down on Sagittaron. I'm not sure if this is the place the CMC sends the best of the best, or if it's the place they send those whose time has passed. A forge or a crucible, I'm not sure which. Tensions have been high, the SSLF has become entrenched in the southern continent, and we've been tasked with rooting them out. I don't know who'll come out the victor. Fifteen years I've been in the service, Dad. And every year, I see the faces of these new recruits and they get younger and younger. I look around at my squad, and most of them are young enough to be my children. Well, almost. I don't know what's ahead for us, but I think it will test us, test me, in a way I'm not sure that I'm ready for.
26 February, 2041 AE: Xenos Province, Sagittaron
I don't know that I have the words to describe the end of the world, Dad. The sight of the sky falling around us. The blinding light of a thousand suns pointing us towards the fort, the city. I don't know if we were lucky or cursed. Far enough away from the blast to come out of it alive, close enough that the concussive wave slammed our vehicles off of the road and tossed us around like too many matchsticks. And this matchstick's broken, Dad. I'm not sure how badly. I'm not sure of anything anymore.
29 May, 2041 AE: Jharkhand Basin, Sagittaron
Between the Cylons, the radiation and the SSLF, I don't think there's anyone left Dad. All the rest of my squad are dead, killed by gunfire, by radiation, two by self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Three months we struggled to keep on, three months they were with me, my squadmates, those young men and women I had come to think of as my family. They managed to find me a chair. A really nice one too. You'd get a kick out of it. They never let me fall behind, despite the fact that any good Marine might have given serious thought to leaving me behind. We finally managed to make it to the Jharkhand Basin. I know, frying pan into the fire. But this was where so much of the CMC presence was concentrated. We figured, if there were going to be anymore survivors, they had to be here. But we never saw a trace. Not a single other member of the CMC. And slowly, one by one, my family died around me, until I was all that was left. I don't know that I have the strength to continue on.
20 June, 2041 AE: Jharkhand Basin, Sagittaron
I'm not alone, Dad. I had very nearly given up hope. I was out scavenging in an abandoned fishing village along the Jharkhand River. A small group of CMCs lead by a Sergeant, a couple of civilians they picked up along the way. I had long since lost my uniform, replaced it with what clothes I could find in the houses of the dead. It isn't safe to go near places where there's signs of habitation. I didn't even bother to tell him who I was, beyond my name. Not at first. It wasn't like I was Master Sergeant Ximena Alteris anymore. I wasn't anyone anymore. I'm not even sure I can call myself a Marine anymore, not the way I am now. My mind still works, my hands still work. But I know there's no rehab going to put the pieces of me back together again. The woman I was, she died in that blast wave.
8 August, 2041 AE: Jharkhand Basin, Sagittaron
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, Dad. I found a new family, and now, they're falling forever behind me once again. Some have moved on, some have met the ferryman. And still, death won't come to take me. At least he knows the truth now. I suppose you can't lie to family forever. But I asked him not to tell the others, even after we saw our last Cylon attack. Even after we ran so low on medical supplies that he had to draw his weapon on a fellow squadmate to protect me. We barely have enough supplies to get us through every day. We barely have the energy to keep on moving on, and I know they're falling behind. Because of me. And he still won't let them leave me behind. It makes me wonder if he knows something that I don't. I wonder, if he were willing to tell me, if I would even want to know.
21 September, 2041 AE: Battlestar Cerberus, Sagittaron Space
It's a new world, Dad. A new road ahead. I'm standing on the deck of the Cerberus, watching them unload my gear, my chair from the transport raptor. The sort of battlestar you probably spent your life wishing you could serve on. Perhaps, if you had lived to see it, you would have. She's beautiful, Dad. And she's all mine. Oh, I'll never stop being a Marine, not really. Not in my heart. Even if I spent the last seven months doubting it. Even if Garret spent the last three months trying to persuade me otherwise. I don't know what the days ahead will hold. But they're considering granting me a new billet. I suppose at the end of the worlds, you can't be picky when it comes to the help you get to keep the hope of humanity alive. And whatever else I might not be anymore, I'm still a Sapper, still an Engineer. I think I might even finally make it into the Navy that you loved so much. I have to wait to see who'll be willing to take a chance on me. I don't know that I've done good, Dad, but I've survived. And I think you'd be proud of me. I hope you are, somewhere, out there. I can only hope that one day, not too soon, mind, but one day, when I see you again, I'll be able to look you in the eye, and not feel ashamed. Because whatever else I made of myself, I'm still, always, Ximena Alteris, daughter of Leto and Danae. Daughter of Leonis.
