PHD #355: Responsibility and White Lies
Responsibility and White Lies
Summary: Wade arrives at sickbay to sign his papers. Circe and the pilot have a disagreement of responsibilities and white lies.
Date: 16 Feb 2042 AE
Related Logs: Backside
Circe Wade 
Sick Bay
Post-Holocaust Day: #355

Having returned to the sick bay, Circe is going through her stock and it is significantly less desimated than before. As she stands at the storage station, she sighs and counts off in her head who she has treated and begins to fill out the paperwork. Another EMT moves towards her. "Lagana, I need to head out early. Ear infection and I am told to cut back on my duty hours for a few days. Mind snagging the last couple of my shift?"

Circe looks over at the corpsman and gives a nod of her head. "Sure, you got it. I need to fill out my paperwork anyways. Did you do rounds?" she asks and he gives her a thumbs up. "Bed four may need some TLC, but the others are good to go till McManus gets here." She nods. "Okay, see you tomorrow."

She goes back to her work, leaving the bag on the counter.

Wade steps into the Sickbay just when the other EMT is leaving. The LT gives the man a curt nod as he makes his way to where Circe is. "Circe…" immediately speaks the man as he reaches his desk "I know you are not telling me something, and if that's something is that you are covering up for me or something that could frak up with your chances to study….then let me tell you that I will gladly speak with every single medical staff to let them know that it was my fault. Because you know, and I know…that it /was/ my fault."

She doesn't look up at first, finishing her line of information about the CAG's injury. Medical records and all that. She finally draws her eyes up and she shakes her head. "Go rest Lieutenant. I think I heard a celebration was in store for a safe return." She states. Circe moves around him, heading to the front desk to get out some stamps and filing stickers to place on the sheet for the CAG's file.

As she tugs the drawer open, she gives a brush of the lined sticker against the signature line, filling in her initials with that characteristic quick script of medical personnel that is barely readable. She is otherwise undetered by his presence.

Wade just looks at her for the longest time, without saying a word. He takes a deep breath and then rubs his fingers on his chin "You know, I don't deserve that. Just like you didn't deserve what I did. Granted, drugs facilitated a lot of things but still" He clears his throat at this and blinks a couple times before speaking again. "Look, Circe, I'm serious..I don't need rest right now, what I need, is for you to tell me whatever it is you are not telling me…really" He knows she can perfectly refuse that request, he is very well aware of that.

At his sigh, she looks up at him her brow arching. "Why?" She asks him then. "It's taken care of, sir." She closes the folder as she slips in the new information to be filed for the next on duty. She looks through the old clipboards and finds his, removing it with several others to get it off the clip. She looks through it and then nods, offering it to him. "All you need to do is sign here." She motions with a finger to the bottom line after putting an x on it. "You are clear." she says softly.

She waits, watching him as she gives it a faint movement, the pen resting on it.

Wade just stares at Circe for a few moments, still not amused by what's going on right at that moment. He takes the clipboard that she offers and he reads everything. She'll be able to see how he moves his attention over every single detail on that sheet and finally stops on something that he knows…is not true "What? You assumed responsibility for an overdose that didn't exist?" He now looks at her, straight into her eyes "No…absolutely no. I don't know what you are trying to do, I don't know if you are trying to cover for me or what…but you can't do this, and I won't let you do this. You are not to blame, it is me who should be blamed."

"There is no one to blame really, but they need someone. You didn't know what you were doing Lieutenant, I should have cleared the medication before giving it to you. In essence, it is my fault." Circe says firmly, tensing as she takes note of the due consideration he gives the file. "Just sign it." She instructs him. "Sir."

Circe attempts to move around him and back to her bag.

Wade just shakes his head at her words "I won't sign that up. If it's someone that they need, then I should be that someone, not you…" He shakes his head again "I'm willing to even take this to my CAG. Don't take the fall for something like that. This wasn't your fault, this was my fault because my dislike for hospitals kicked in and I left, just like that. Where you there? No. Were you supposed to be there? No. You know this. I just don't want to know that you might endanger your studies because you want to cover for me. Don't. Do it."

She pauses and looks up at him, Circe studies Wade a long moment. "If I study, I pull out of the field. They won't let me go. The marines need me." She says. The medic sighs and takes back the clipboard as he refuses. "Lieutenant, our pilots are needed and when and if we do need more doctors, this will mean nothing. They will bump me from need. New rules with a new life." She sasy. She shakes her head, "Damn it, Wade, just sign it." She states, still holding the clipboard aloft. "I don't need, Toast on my ass."

Wade narrows his eyes, anger showing a little in his expression. Just a little. "Don't play that card, just don't…" he puts the clipboard on her desk and he adds "You write what really happened, that I'm the one to blame for this…and then I'll sign it. I know you don't need Toast on your ass, and I'm not planning on doing something like that but don't force me to. Don't lie for me, don't cover for me. If I do something stupid, then I am the one to blame, not you." He shakes his head "Don't come with a defeated tone of voice saying 'They'll never let me', I don't buy it. You are strong…"

Her eyes flash as well. "A different breed." She repeats his words for him. "Its the truth, doctors don't do ground shifts. They aren't allowed - too valuable. EMT's. We patch the marines in the field. I want to stay there." She's gotten attached. "I am not going to study..not officially." She says. Circe meets his angry gaze with her own one of frustration. "I don't need Toast on your ass either. You guys take enough hits out there. This has been signed and witnessed. It's going to stand." She says, trying to stay firm. Her fingers curl over the top of the pages and she growls a little and the part of her that was forged in basic as well as trial by fire in the field fires up. She isn't exactly bulky, but neither is she small.

"Are you frakking kidding me?" asks the man, not backing down from the fight. "What, you think we are some sort of angels that because we get hit out there, we can get away with everything?" He shakes his head at this and says "Fine, do whatever you want, be and EMT, go help the Marines, study unofficially…" he shakes his head at this "But /don't lie/. Specially don't lie for me when you well know I don't deserve it, and /I/ know I don't deserve it. We can continue this argument for hours and hours and my opinion won't change, and you /know/ I'm right. I stood up and left, plain and simple, instead of respecting the Hospital." He tapes two fingers on the clipboard now resting on her desk "Change it, Circe…"

She grinds the slowly formed fist into the clipboard and she gazes down to his hand as he taps it. Her hazel eyes mix with that tepid green they sometimes are and the woman draws a slow breath. "It's not a lie. I didn't clear the meds. It might as well be truth." She says evenly, as even as she can. She can feel the tight set of her jaw and she mutters beneath her breath. "I should have been here..couldn't sleep anyways. We are supposed to be here for each other and frak it!" She says getting louder, "You cover our asses out there daily..risk your frakkin lives. You doubt what there is to believe in, well believe in me then and let me take this damned bullet for you okay? It's a minor just don't understand." She says tersely. Something has ruffled her feathers and it shows as she is getting a bit riled. "And frak it all if you don't deserve it." She says sharply.

Wade straightens his posture, reaching his full height of 6 feet and 2 inches. He looks at her in complete silence, listening to every word she says, processing absolutely everything. It does take a while for him to say something back to the woman, but it seems that he is unaffected by her raise of voice and the fact that she seems to be getting angry. "No…" says the man now. "I do what I do because it's my job, it's what I was born to do. I will not let you take this bullet for me when you don't have to take it, when it's not something that you /have/ to take." He takes a deep breath and adopts a more relaxed stance "Circe, please…don't make me talk with the other doctors, and tell them what really happened, please"

Part of her defenses give at his words and Circe watches his stance change from emboldened to one with a faint softness. Frak it. Frak him. She thinks to herself. Her eyes close and her head bows slightly as she parts her lips and draws a breath through her lips. "The damage is done, but if you want the motion changed…" She nods her head and turns the clipboard about. In the light of the desk lamp, she curls back the paperwork and finds the notation. She gives it a sharp cross off and begins to scrawl out everything in as little detail as she can for sake of space. She is silent as she does it, deadly silent.

Wade looks at her as she rewrites her own words. He can't help to think about many things related to what just happened and he can only shake his head at that "Do you remember the other day at the Chapel? When we discussed our faiths? And I told you that, you should talk with people you trust?" He nods to his own words "What is wrong, Circe…that is what I want to know, that is what I'm trying to guess" He takes the pen and looks at it for a little before moving it back to the table, focusing his full attention on her now "If you can't trust in me, then let me know…"

She continues to write out the explanation and finishes with a flare of her initials at the end. Her hand stills as she does, staring down at the paper work as he speaks. Frak it. She thinks again and draws a slow breath. Her hand releases the pen she holds, letting it roll across the desk. She wanted to laugh at him and just tell him to sign and leave, to get him away from her. "What is wrong is what is wrong for everyone else. It's just finally taking its toll. When everything first happened, I just buckled down, grew quiet and withdrawn. I did my work. I had nothing left - nothing to invest into. Damn it. I just can't be quiet anymore. I long to live. As you say..I am strong. Alright? I just don't know what way to live anymore. But I can't just curl up or explode…there is no excuse, hundreds, thousands are dealing with loss and I am not different. I am not some special case. I don't want to be." She straightens then, grasping the clipboard and extending it towards him. "I am confused, about many things. I hadn't given up on someone…but I chose to that day in the temple. I let go so I could move on. I am slowly taking on a new form and adapting and I wanted to do this because I do trust you, you bullheaded blind pilot." She says the last with a bit of a rush.

Wade looks at her, in silence, listening. "There are things about me that are no secret…but I think you don't know them yet." He clears his throat at this, taking the clipboard. He rereads everything again, making sure that she is not trying to cover for him in any way. Now, he nods in acceptance and signs the sheet of paper "If this means I get tied down every time I visit this place, then so be it. But you are not going to take the fall for me" Stubborn? Frak yeah. He returns the clipboard to her and says "I am a bullheaded pilot, we all are…" He shows a very faint smirk and says "Go to the Memorial Wall…find me, things will become more clear…" Riddles in the dark? Maybe. Needless to say, he turns around and makes his way out of the place, not saying anything else.

She is silent and for the first time in last few months she is quiet again. Circe meets his gaze, never flinching as he talks. She takes the clipboard, holding it lightly as it bobs in the air - suspended by her grasp. In her silence she abides and the medic watches him go, having concluded his business with the sick bay. Her gaze flits down to the paperwork which she then automatically moves to file away, sliding it from the backng and clasp. As she puts it in the folder, she closes the drawer and in a restrained moment of clarity and respect to the patients, she sets the board down softly on the desk.

She leans heavily on the desk and just stares at the circle of light that is gifted to the surface. She stares, continues to stare and as her eyes glisten she looks down and away. She draws a breath, catching herself and rubs her hands to her face. Her shoulders straighten and she draws up. She fills her lungs and looks about, falling into that automatic even as she slides the chair back in neatly. She crosses the back of her hand under eye and she blinks a few times.

Another half shift. She's back to work and the looming presence of her next shift still included in that cross over time is speaking of no rest. Not now at least. If she wasn't on overtime in her thoughts as it was, she is twice now and she has the wall in mind as she finishes the CAG's treatment paperwork before moving on to bed four. TLC. She can do that. Yeah, that's what she does.

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