PHD #449: Praying for them
Praying for them.
Summary: Cidra and Wade find eachother at the Memorial Wall, Vandenberg joins as well.
Date: 21 May 2042 AE
Related Logs: Losing Faith
Cidra Vandenberg Wade 
A corridor!
Lots of pictures, it's the Memorial Wall after all.
Condition Level: 3 - All Clear
Post-Holocaust Day: #449

The memorial wall is definitely covered with pictures, covered pictures of those lost thanks to the Cylons…or maybe not just that, maybe it holds pictures of everyone that was lost, regardless of the reason. People need to remember and that builds a need, a need that these walls can satisfy, at least just a little. A few hours have passed since the Raptor arrived, this gave Wade time to take a shower, and dress up in his officer blues. He can be found close to the wall, just sitting on a metal box, leaning his back against the wall right across the one with pictures. He looks at them all, and in his hands, he holds a small picture; one thumb lightly caresses the figure that is shown there and upon closer inspection, it's a redheaded woman.

Cidra has found her way up to the Wall herself, now that the Marines have dispersed. And she, too, is clasping several photos between her long fingertips. It's unclear if she sees Wade or not. She's very intent on her pinning. She she steps closer to the Wall she begins to sing softly. More to herself than anyone else. It's a lilting tune, dirge-like and somber but with a swift undercurrent that keeps it from being entirely sad. The words are in Old Gemenese, it's not recognizable to one unfamiliar with the language.

Well, Wade does notice Cidra and he follows her with his gaze for a moment. When she starts singing, he looks down at the picture and looks at that redheaded woman, he looks at her for the longest time while his ears are invaded by that 'not completely sad' song. He takes a deep breath and lifts the picture, kissing it gently and whispering something against it. He finally lowers it again, his eyes a little brighter than usual. "What does it mean" asks Wade, looking up again, looking directly at Cidra. His expression? It's as if he's dead.

Cidra does not answer Wade right away, finishing what seems like a chorus before she allows the song to trail off. Then she turns to him. "It is a lament for Hermes. Who carries the souls of the dead to their fate in the underworld." She clears her throat soft and recites in the Standard tongue: "'Hermes the Radiant One drew near to the gathering of the ghosts of heroes, leading down the souls of the suitors who had fallen by Odysseus' hand. Amazed to see this, the souls moved straight towards them and queried the newly arrived shades.'" A tick to the picture Wade put up. Her own photos are still clasped in her hands. "Have you dreamed of her again?

"Oh…" says Wade, looking down at the picture again "That is nice of you" adds the Viper Pilot, not looking again at Cidra, yet. He closes his eyes as she recites the words and feels the material of the picture under his thumb. "Yes, I have" offers Wade, looking at the CAG once again. He lifts the picture and offers it to her "This is my Faith" First time he ever /shows/ this picture. "I can't…not think that she might be alive, that she and our baby are fine…" His voice is the voice of a man haunted by memories, clinging to them as hard as he can, not wanting to study all the different options in front of him.

"I would tell you that is likely impossible. But this is a thing you know in your mind, I trust." There's a hint of a question there from Cidra, but it's something she's reasonably certain of. "Drips, we found hundreds on Sagittaron and Tauron and Aerilon. Hundreds of humans, all that remained of the millions that had lived on those planets before the holocaust. All of my family was on Gemenon. My parents, my brother and sisters, all their children…they had more than a dozen children between them…" And she does start putting up her pictures now. An older couple, a tall, bald man and a severe-looking woman with her long, gray hair in an elaborate braid. Two women a little younger than her with her dark hair, though their faces are more relaxed, and with easy smiles, and they are ringed by a pair of smiling middle-aged men and eight children between them. Lastly a man who looks more like her than any of the others, with her cloudy blue eyes, though he has an easy smile that is nothing near inscrutable. "I dare not hope. The hope drives one to madness."

Does he know? If he does, it's unknown, because he really doesn't respond to Cidra's first words. He takes the picture back seeing that Cidra is busy pinning her own to the wall and looks at it again for a few seconds, smiling a little. "We all live in madness already, we can fool ourselves as much as we want but what happened, what those pieces of shit did…screwed our lives, forever." He leans his head back and closes his eyes, licking his lips afterwards "I should have taken her with me to Picon, I should have gone to Gemenon and take her…" he moves his head slightly away from the metal wall and moves it back, hitting the hard surface, he does this a couple more times and then opens his eyes looking straight into the lights on top of them. "That's a big family" says Wade, finally looking at the pictures she is putting up. He stands up and walks closer, looking at all the faces. "I am not going to ask for you to think they are alive, so, I will ask for their safety in the other world…"

"I pray for it, but I do not trust the gods' mercies enough that it may be true," Cidra says. "Yet one cannot help but hope. This I know. Much as I try, I cannot help it." A nod to Wade. "My sisters… Eliane and Josseline…" She touches the photos of the two women each in turn with her fingertips. "…they married young. Eliane was only seventeen when she had her first daughter. My brother Cilian and I did not have our arranges in the Old fashion. We were both dedicated to the path of the priesthood early. He married later. Some sisters of Athena never wed at all, so my mother did not press the matter."

Wade looks at their pictures in complete silence, he scans every face and commits it to memory before looking at Cidra again "They look like you…they smile tho" He nods "You should smile, it doesn't hurt." With that said, he looks at the picture of her brother and asks "What made you leave that path…of priesthood I mean?" When she mentions the last, he nods "Faith said that to me, that most of them never wed…but she didn't care, she was ready to leave everything behind and so was I" He looks at the picture one more time, one more time and then he moves it inside his chest pocket, leaving his hand there for a moment.

Vandenberg arrives from Midship Stairs.
Vandenberg has arrived.

Cidra is standing before the Memorial Wall with Wade. They've both placed photographs up. Several, in Cidra's case. A man and two women in their thirties who look a good deal like her, albeit with easier smiles and more relaxed features in general. They're ringed by nearly a dozen children of varying ages. An older couple is also among the photos she's placed. A soft chuckle. "Athena is a virgin goddess. Though not all orders hold to chastity, the sisters dedicate themselves to wordly matters. In a marriage, you are dedicated to one another." As to the question about the priesthood. "There is a long and short answer. The short is, it was not my path. I thought I could better-serve the Colonies in the Navy than I could have in sisterhood. And it never felt right for me. My brother Cilian was happier in his path. He was a priest of Asclepius, the Lord of Healing. He also worked as a nurse. I think that kept him satisfied in his faith. For he did active good works."

"And I bet the long answer reveals how you came to decide that the Navy was your place" says Wade to Cidra, but not looking at her, he just keeps looking at all the different pictures. "Cid…I want you to know that, when all this is over, I am out of the Military, I am done…I lost too much because of it, because of not being able to be with the ones I loved. I thought the Military was a good path, my path but now…seeing how much I lost, I am not so sure." He takes a deep breath and nods "If we ever get out of this, you can expect my resignation" One hand lifts to his cheek and he moves his fingers over his shadow beard for a couple seconds before adding "I do want to hear that long version one day, if you are up for sharing it…there is so much of us that we keep to ourselves, I know I do"

Coming down the quiet hallway is a now-clean Vandenberg. The woman has changed into her off-duty gear but still carries her sidearm on her. With all the dirt and grime washed away, she's a little glowey on the face with the sunburn and the moisturizer. In her right hand is a mug of coffee (likely from the Rec Room down the hall), sipped from lightly as she moves slowly down the hallway. Her eyes trail over the faces staring back from the wall. She smiles to a few before looking ahead to see Cidra and Wade speaking quietly while she approaches. The woman lifts her mug in a silent salute to them. "Sir. Lieutenant."

"I do not know what I would be anymore without the Navy," Cidra admits. She admits it very soft. "After my husband, my Daeds…after he died, the duty was all that carried me on. And there is strength in duty, Wade. There is purpose in it. I still hold tight to it sometimes. But I have found something more, I would like to think." She looks up at him when she says that. Though as Vandenberg approaches, her eyes move to the Marine. She inclines her head respectfully. Though she's still in her flight suit it's unzipped, an indication she's in some form of off-duty. "Captain. You look more refreshed than when last we met. I say again, I am most grateful you and yours returned from Gemenon unharmed. I had no real idea what to expect."

Wade moves his attention from the pictures to Cidra and he asks her "What is that something more you've found?" Now, he turns his head to see Vandenberg and he nods to her "Captain" He looks at Vandenberg for a moment, just like he did with the other Marines at the Hangar Deck "You are sporting a nice tan, good" However, there's no smile nor change of tone, it's the same, even…dead experience. Regardless of this, he turns a little more, as if opening space for Vandenberg. He clears his throat "I'm glad that everyone in your team is alright, I must admit I was thinking that a rescue team was going to be needed. Not for lack of skill of course but…you know, one never knows what is to be found down there" He looks at Cidra after that.

The Marine catches the edge of Cidra's words and seems a bit hesitant to stop, though she does. Its just far enough away to afford the other two privacy. "I am, sir. We appreciate the well-wishing, too. My team and I weren't sure what to expect, either." She looks up to the plaque for the Marines and holds her gaze there. "I apologize if I'm interrupting," she offers quietly before looking back. "I just needed to detour through here after everything." Her attention then turns to Wade and there's a wan smile to the mention of her tan but there's a note to the man's demeanor. "I'm likewise glad no such thing had to be considered. Though I suspect if it were, it wouldn't have been for the best." Her tired smile holds as she looks the man over. "Doin' alright, hon?" The concern through her accent comes through right at the edges, the feeling genuine.

"I do not come here often. I try to place my fallen officers among the pictures but for my own part…well, I suppose I put it off." Until today, it seems. To Vandenberg Cidra explains, "I am of Gemenon, and all my family was still there. My parents, and my two sisters and brother, and their family. Far from Lampridis, where you lot came in. Most were still in a city called Shinkersei, in Dryope Province." Most of the cities of any size were well-nuked, of course. Not that she speaks of that now, though her somber tone suggests it's at the forefront of her thoughts.

Wade remains in silence while Cidra talks to Vandenberg but when the Marine Captain asks him that last, he looks at her again and "I'm…" and he goes silent for a few seconds, looking back at Cidra and then back to Vandenberg "I've…" he takes a deep breath and nods "I've been better" adds Wade, looking at Vandenberg now. However, his entire aspect says that he is not, his expression is different, his eyes tell another story. Anyone that has known Wade for a bit, will definitely notice that he is not acting like himself. "So, I suppose asking you for details of Gemenon is out of the question?" He takes a deep breath and looks at Cid again "Have you…seen…" he looks back at Vandenberg and shakes his head "Nevermind…"

Vandenberg holds the mug in her hand but seems to have forgetten about it, her attention silently on Cidra. Her expression falls blank though her eyes turn down. "Must be hard coming back, sir," she whispers before looking towards the wall once more. "Don't know that I'd fare well going to Canceron or Libran." The Captain sniffs dryly and then looks back at the Viper pilot. She bite her lower lip at his assessment of himself. "Sorry, Wade," she whispers. But to the last she takes a breath. "I can I think-" She glances to Cidra and back to Wade. "If it'll help?"

"I do not know how I shall fare when the time comes to make contact with the humans down there," Cidra says. "Which seems as if it must be done, though at present I know not how that shall proceed." A look between Vandenberg and Wade. Brows arching slight. She seems not quite to know what questions might be forthcoming, but she doesn't interrupt the asking.

Wade looks to the floor, a hand going to his chest pocket, resting over it for a moment before saying "You've seen people there, yes?" he takes a deep breath and slides his hand into his pocket, taking a picture from his pocket. He looks at it for a moment and his eyes water up but /just/ a little bit "I…" he swallows and looks at Cid before looking at Vandenberg again "Do you…by any chance, seen this woman there?" And with that, he hands the picture for Vandenberg to look at. He waits in silence for a moment and while he doesn't show it, he is really, really hoping for Vandenberg to give a positive response.


"The question is probably worded best as a possibility, sir. Not a foregone conclusion, sir," she says gently. Natalie's words probably give away quite a bit to her own beliefs and feelings on the matter. "But I can understand. If I had to go anywhere near Kirtland I'd likely be a wreck." Her expression flickers as if towards a smile but comes off almost as a tick that disappears completely. "Aye," she answers to Wade's first question. She eyes the picture and takes it from him in her left hand, the massive restructuring leaving it horribly scarred. Eyes study it for a moment and she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Wade. I didn't see anyone like this. Some young women but.. I didn't see this one that I know of. Sorry, hon." She hands the picture back. "We have some very high resolution shots and I tried to look over faces but.." Probably to try and spot anyone familiar from the fleet.

Cidra is quiet as Vandenberg and Wade speak, though she watches the pilot as they do. Her eyes go from Wade to the Memorial Wall. To the photos she herself placed.

Wade extends his hand to take the picture back and he looks at it, pressing his lips together. He nods in silence and moves the picture back into his chest pocket. His attention returns to Vandenberg and he nods yet again "Ok" is what he says, sounding even worse than before. He looks at Cid for a moment and then at the pictures on the wall. The man takes another deep breath and say "I just…" but goes quiet as his voice breaks when he says that. He clears his throat and shakes his head "Vipers will be ready, regardless of what Command decides to do, if the Knights are needed, we'll be there" Quickly changing subjects, there's a lot of that going on lately, everywhere.

Vandenberg nods once to Wade, looking apologetic. "Aye. I'll find ya later, hon." She looks between the two officers. "I'll be movin on then. Sorry to interrupt." She ducks her head a touch and moves along.

Vandenberg leaves, heading towards the Dual Stairway [Midship Stairway].
Vandenberg has left.

Cidra inclines her head to Vandenberg as the Marine goes, then turns back to Wade. "I have no doubt the Knights shall be ready. They rely on you very much, Drips, you know." A pause and she says, "Do you know what I live for now? That my husband is gone. That all my kin are likely dead. That all my holy places are nuked. It is not just duty anymore."

Wade nods at Vandenberg in silence and looks at her for a moment as she goes. He turns his head to look at Cidra and she will definitely see a couple tears there; however, the man moves his fingers to his eyes to wipe the tears away and then asks "What do you live for now?" He makes no comments on what she said before, he just looks straight into her eyes.

Cidra looks straight back at Wade, though her cloudy blue eyes are softer now than before. "My pilots." She smiles, ever so faint, and adds, "You. Your courage, your good sense, your good heart. Poppy's strength. Flasher's brightness. Decoy's thirst to make something of himself, even when everything has tumbled down. I love you all, Wade. The Fighting Fourteenth is my life now. Maddening as it is at times. Even if this is the end of us all…well, I have found something in it worth loving. I do not ask you to find the same. We all of us must live for what our own hearts. And I pray, one day, you will be able to give me your resignation, that all this has an end. But know that you have been part of something that has made me feel alive again. And I love you all for it more than I could ever say."

Wade's gaze doesn't move away from Cid's while she speaks, the man blinks a couple times but aside from that, he is always piercing into the CAG's eyes. When she says her piece, it actually takes him a couple moments for him to do something. The man presses his lips together and takes a deep breath as he takes a step forward. He extends his arms towards Cidra and actually wraps them around her, shortening the distance a little more. He doesn't embrace her more, just in case she wants out but he does say "The Fighting Fourteenth are strong because they have you…well…we have you.." he takes a deep breath, arms still around her "Even if you have a really piss poor taste in men"

Cidra gets a rueful, soft laugh out of that. She clasps Wade's shoulders in her palms, embracing him fully for a beat before pulling back. "I do at that, it cannot be denied. But I would like to think I have better taste in officers. The Fighting Fourteenth is only as strong as those who fly in it, and we need you much, Wade. Never forget that. Though I do pray one day this shall be over, and you shall be able to resign to a fair corner of somewhere, and a family. Live for what you love, even if you think it lost, perhaps you shall find something you did not expect."

Wade steps back and shows a faint smile to her, nodding after that "I won't forget that…and…" he clears his throat "I trust you understand why my wish to resign…it is not that I don't enjoy the group." As for the last part, he just nods very faintly "Perhaps…" The man moves his attention to the pictures, the ones of Spank and AWOL being really close at the moment; he places his attention on them "You are better than me at praying, pray for AWOL and Spank to find eachother again, wherever they are."

"I will pray for them," Cidra says simply, reaching out to touch her fingers to the photograph of AWOL Moran, and then Spank. "You are welcome in chapel anytime you like, you know. I am not sure the gods hear all my prayers at times, but there is something about the place that calms me. Or just…talk as you will, wherever you will. And I will pray for your Faith, wherever she may be now."

Wade looks at how Cidra touches the pictures and then looks at her when she invites him to the chapel. He nods in silence at first, looking at the pictures again before saying "I…I will, I don't know if it would help." There is a faint smile and he takes a deep breath "Faith always said to me that, she would do the praying for us both…I love her so much Toast" He takes a deep breath and nods again, looking at her "Talk…that is good sometimes. And…thank you" he nods to this and moves his hand over his chest pocket, where the picture is resting. "I will try to get some sleep…I'm feeling pretty tired." He nods again "Thank you, Cid." While his voice keeps having that monotone thing about it and he sounds as if his will to leave has considerably decreased, he is thankful. The man turns around and starts his walk to wherever he is going.

"Clear eyes and steady hands, Wade," Cidra bids the Viper pilot simply, watching him as he goes. She lingers by the Wall, for her part. Gaze on the faces in the pictures she placed there.

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