PHD #445: Losing Faith
Losing Faith
Summary: Wade wakes up from his dream, Solstice and Cidra follow him.
Date: 17 May 2042 AE
Related Logs: Right after Shattered Dreams
Cidra Solstice Wade 
Like any normal head on the ship, this one is painted in light grey with some blue around the top of the room. Down the center there are 16 sinks, 8 on each side backed up to each other. Along the hull areas of the room, showers and lockers are toward the back and off to the left of the sinks are closed toilets and open urinals.
Condition Level: 3 - All Clear
Post-Holocaust Day: #445

It all starts with what it seems to be, a quiet night in the Pilot Berths; most of the pilots are sleeping and those that are not there, are probably out on CAP. But you know, sometimes, peaceful times, don't last. "NO!" is yelled out loud, followed by a potentially hurtful BANG of something hitting against metal. Startled movements can be heard from inside one of the bunks and a couple moments, a Pilot rolls from his top bunk and falls to the floor, hitting himself /hard/. It's Drips, and he struggles to stand up while saying "No…no no no" with the tone of voice of a person that's desperate. Some curtains are already being pulled open and someone calls out "Drips?" The man rubs his hands over his face, one of them bleeding "Please no…" says the man, voice breaking and he stumbles towards the door, pushing it open and making his way towards the head.

Startled to say the least by the sudden yell, Solstice had managed to find rest even without Keenan being present. She jerks upright and drags at the curtain to the bunk, watching as the form of a stumbling pilot comes into view. Her gaze narrows and brows furrow before she is swinging her legs out and down, bare feet hitting the metal flooring. She doesn't call Wade's name, instead the ECO follows slowly, distantly as she watches him. The head is given a look, but in her tanks and shorts, Sol doesn't worry overly. Instead she heads inward. "Drips?" She finally cautions.

Cidra was on Alert status during the last shift and has just returned to the berths. She's just changed into her off-duties, and showed her flight suit in her locker, when the the yelling begins. "What in gods…?" she murmurs, turning with no small trace of alarm toward Wade's bunk. And Wade himself, as she topples out of it. "Drips? Lieutenant Wade Duncan!" is called after him. The use of his full name and rank perhaps an attempt to break him out of any stupor.

No, Wade does not respond to anything at the moment. The man pushes the heavy door open and steps inside, immediately moving to a basin he lets the water run for a moment. He takes a deep breath and looks at his face in the mirror, moving both hands under the stream after that. He collects as much as he can and just throws it in his face, later furiously rubbing his face with both hands. Blood is washed away by the water but more starts pouring out; the man looks down at the basin and places his hands on each edge, muscles in his back tightening. Tears fall from his eyes as the metal makes cracking sounds under the pressure he is putting against it. He looks up and sees something that startles him enough to stumble backwards and look around with hopeful eyes "Faith…" says the man, just a few moments after Solstice and Cidra if they both step inside. He looks up as he sees someone else, someone actually there, he finds Solstice. He takes a deep breath, and wipes the tears with his bloody hand, making a bit of a mess on his face…he turns around and walks back to the basin, looking at himself in the mirror.

As the CAG not far behind her, rather bolstering her courage to go after Wade, Solstice tilts her head, looking to the blood with concern. The ECO presses her lips into a thin line and without a word, she steps up to touch Drip's arm lightly with her own small hand. "Let me see your hand." She instructs him, opening her hand outward to accept it. A look back at Cidra is given and she seems to understand what Wade is going through. "Drips, it was a dream." She breathes, trying to offer him some comfort.

Cidra does indeed step inside the Head in step with Solstice, her stride quick and manner one of both perplexity and concern. She stands back as Solstice approaches him to have a look at his hand, though she does look over the Viper pilot carefully, and tries to catch his eye in the mirror. "Lieutenant Wade Duncan." The name repeated firmly, like a mantra. Or perhaps still an attempt to anchor him back to reality. "Are you hurt badly?" The question is as much to Solstice as to Wade himself.

Wade moves his hands to the water again and after he is satisfied with the amount he collected, he presses his face against his palms and rubs his hands again. He takes a deep breath and coughs, looking at himself in the mirror before moving his gaze towards Solstice. He lifts his hand and offers it, it's shaking, still bleeding. "I know" mutters the man, voice breaking again. Heavy breathing still in place, he looks at the mirror again and meets Cidra's eyes now "I'm fine, Toast…I'm ok…." No he's not.

Taking his hand into her small ones, Solstice brushes her thumbs over the damaged skin to check and make sure he won't need anymore than the water he had used. Her eyes narrow a moment, trying to calm the shaking of his hand before her head lifts to look at him during his reply. A brow lifts in speculation and then she is clearing her throat politely in a way of saying she doesn't believe him. Gazing back down to his hand in her grasp.

The 'I'm fine' bit gets no reply from Cidra. She's not buying it either. She takes a step closer to him. "What did you see, Wade?" Her tone is hushed, and the way she's asking it seems to question if this was *more* than a dream. She's one who believes in the power of such things.

Wade tilts his head to look at Solstice as she clears her throat but the doesn't say a thing. His breathing starts to slow down, still shaken but not as much as before. He lips his lower lip and clears his throat now, his chin shaking just a little bit before he presses his lips together and takes another deep breath "I…" says the man, trying to answer Cidra but his voice clearly sounds upset "Faith" says the man now. He's not trying to be cryptic really but the images of that dream are still burning in the back of his mind.

The one word draws her head up, looking between them. Solstice seems perplexed to say the least, "Religion?" She asks them both, looking between them once more. Her hand still holds his hand, keeping it safe with the knowledge he may need to hit medical. Other than her question, Shakes is not one to really intrude, for it seems as if the CAG and Drips are familiar on these discussions. Dreams.

"Faith…?" The word is repeated in that same hushed-yet-intent tone by Cidra. "Faith in what, Wade?" The question is asked with an almost tentative quality to it. A look is exchanged with Solstice. She seems to be thinking along the same line as the ECO, though for the rest she's just wide-eyed and searching at present.

Wade just shakes his head, trying to calm himself down "No…Faith, my…she's my everything, my world. We met when we were kids, I…" He clears his throat, knowing that he's probably not making any sense "Her name is Faith, she is a Priestess of Athena." He looks at Cid now and then at Solstice "I'm sorry I..I didn't mean to wake you up up I…" he swallows and realizes that this is actually the first time he ever speaks about Faith, with anyone aboard Cerberus. "I dreamt about her…"

Okay so it wasn't as she thought and Solstice's brow raises high, her lips parting. A sympathetic looks soon overtakes her surprise and her hand slides down to pat his wrist lightly. "It was just a dream.." But really there is no comfort she could give him, not that she can think of. The woman turns to look back at Cidra, as if desperately seeking some help. "And no..its okay…I wasn't really sleeping."

"Sworn to Athena?" That makes Cidra smile, ever so slightly, though there's a sadness to the expression. It's not quite regret, though there's something not unlike that in it. A small nod along with Solstice's words. Perhaps it was not a vision after all. "You have never spoken of this woman before." There's curiosity and sympathy in her tone, though she doesn't press for more details. "Do you dream of her often?"

Wade looks at Solstice and faintly nods to her; he licks his lips and then looks at Cidra "Yes.." He goes silent again and looks at his hand, it's actually starting to hurt quite a bit now that he's calming down and adrenaline is not running that high. "I haven't, no…this is the first time I speak of her." He licks his lips and then clears his throat "Almost every day but…not like this, not like tonight and…" he just shakes his head and looks at Solstice and Cidra "I need to go to Gemenon, there's people alive, she could be alive…our…" he stops himself there "Our…" then his eyes water up and he just shakes his head.

"Before you even get there.." Solstice offers, not sure who is going, a quick look to Cidra is offered before she continues, "You need to visit medical to give some of this stitched up..I think you split along the right side of her knuckles pretty good.." she tells him, treating his hand with care. "We all have people we miss, Wade. But …the likelihood of her being alive.." She swallows her words, biting back her lip faintly in an effort to try to be empathetic.

"We will see what lies on Gemenon in time. You will find nothing there but death for yourself charging about in the state you are in." There's a note of firmness in Cidra's voice as she says that. A slight bow of her head at Solstice's words. Agreement there. The likelihood is slim, indeed. For a moment she just watches Wade. In that mild way she often watches things. Though her expression is far from inscrutable. There's a very deep sadness in it. "When I dream it is of a cabin on Picon. On the lakesides with the sun on my shoulders, with a man with a quick smile and ginger hair. I dream of my Daeds rarely now. But I still dream sometimes. One never really stops, much as they may try."

Strange times in which you get to see a person at a really weak moment, and this is one of those moments for Wade. He just shakes his head at what's being said, taking his hand back from Solstice and just grabbing the edges of the sink with them, he lowers his head and he starts crying. "She's pregnant…she needs me…" He looks up into the mirror, his eyes are red and swollen, the strength he portrayed now lost "She needs me…" he looks at Solstice now "My daughter…our…" he looks at Cidra now "Our daughter, I was…." he stops himself there and starts crying even harder, falling to his knees with a loud bang "I was going to be a dad…my daughter"

As his hand his snatched back, Solstice's lips part in mild shock. The tears Drips gives are something that makes Shakes pause further, brows lifting as he proclaims that she /is/ pregnant. That draws that line in her forehead down into a furrow and she shakes her head, meeting that gaze as he speaks of his daughter. "Drips, its been over a year…she is not any longer." She tries to tell him. Neither would be alive most likely but she better not say that. "its a dream..did you know she was pregnant?" She asks finally.

For a beat it looks like Cidra is going to say something more to Wade but, whatever was initially on the tip of her tongue, she forestalls it. She kneels on the floor near Wade, reaching tentatively to place a hand upon his shoulder. "It has been more than a year…yet the dreams still come sharply. My own is ten years gone, yet it still cuts…"

Wade's torso shakes as he cries, both hands on the metal floor now. He listens in silence to what Sol and Cidra says and he remains that way for a few more moments. However, he finds the strength to calm himself down and tries to explain "She told she was pregnant…about three months before the attacks" He takes another deep breath and licks his lips "I…I was going to leave the Military, and she was going to resign to her Priesthood" He tilts his head back and sits on the floor, he is wearing only his boxers "I had already found a job, they were willing to wait until my paper were ready. We were going to live in Picon…raise our…" his voice breaks again "I saw a pink pacifier, it was broken…I gave her my dog-tags and, I saw them…they were covered in blood…" Tears still fall from his eyes and his lower lip quivers "I just can't live without her, I can't…"

Moving closer, Solstice does not touch Wade, instead she lowers so she can face him and look at Cidra as well. " have lived without her this long. I am sorry." She says to him, trying to understand, knowing what it is to lose someone. She draws a breath, clearing her throat. "Drips, the people of this Fleet need you. What happens on Gemenon won't change what happend or what you lost..but you are needed now more than you ever were by our people." She tries to draw his mindset out of mourning, out of loss.

"Yes, you can." Cidra says it very soft. And very sad. "Even if you do not know how. You still remain, after all this time. We remain…" Not that, the way she says it, the statement is entirely happy. Her eyes tick away from him, and Solstice, focusing on a point on the far wall. "…you just go on, and before you realize it the days will turn to years. And you remain. And, gods willing, you will have perhaps remained to do something that would make them proud to have loved you. That would honor them…"

Wade moves his hands to her face and rubs his eyes "Just like that…" says Wade with a completely neutral tone of voice, potentially directed to Cidra based on what she said. He takes a deep breath and lifts one hand, taking a hold of the metal from the sink as he starts standing up. Both hands move to the water again and he gets some of it to his face before he says "There are people alive down there, people wearing priesthood clothes…she might be alive, she might" And he is desperately clinging to that. He takes a deep breath now and looks at his reflection in the mirror "When I met her, I was twelve years old, she was ten…she was climbing a tree, she said that she wanted to reach the top, she wanted to speak to the gods and wanted the gods to see her" He takes a deep breath "She slipped and fell…I caught her…"

Solstice is at a loss for words at best and she shifts uncomfortably, standing over the two. She looks between them and then finally, the Saggitaron touches the newly made soma braid. "Wade, she is with them now. I am sure she has seen them." She offers a warm smile, gentle in its make. A long breath drawn, she moves to take one knee before him to meet his gaze. "it is good to hope, Drips. But you have to temper that with the reality of things. The odds are against you in this. You must go into this believing that you will not find her." She searches his face, trying to draw him from painful memories that will only serve to make things worse at present.

"Hope can hurt far more than the loss of it if it comes not to be." While Cidra does not outwardly say she thinks this woman likely dead, her somber tone seems to agree with Solstice. "I shall pray for your Faith, and the child you shared. The rest, we shall see what the gods bring upon us."

Wade looks at Solstice for a moment and locks his gaze with hers; he blinks but says nothing to the woman at the moment. It is Cid's words that make him look away "The gods…" says the man, taking a deep breath and now looking at his hands. He shakes his head and then swallows saliva "I…I need to take care of my hand, I'll…I will go to sickbay" He looks to them both, his expression just neutral, his gaze shows that something is fading. "I apologize, I will try not to wake you both again" With that, he takes a step back, stumbles just a little bit and then takes a deep breath, closing his eyes.

The fact that Drips is willingly going to medical is something that makes Solstice hesitate. But she rises, stepping back to give him room. The way he reacts, apologies has her flinching faintly. Biting back her words, Shakes doesn't know what to say. A slow breath is released as she shifts on her feet, looking to the sink after he starts to leave and moves over to clean it of his blood, turning on the water to flush it. Slowly her eyes lift to the CAG and she gives a sad silent shake of her head.

"Shakes shall accompany you to Sickbay," Cidra says. It's said firmly, in a way that suggests there won't be any getting around that for him. "There is no need to apologize, Wade. We all of us dream. Moreso than we would like many nights."

If Wade paid attention or not to what Cidra said, it cannot be said. The man just keeps walking towards the door and finally steps outside, traveling down the hallways, almost naked, go figure. He looks at the floor, then his feet and he just continues walking; he is certainly in the right path so it 'looks' like he'll get where he is going.

Solstice's head snaps up at the order and she looks at the CAG for a long moment and then clears her throat. "Of course I will Drips.." That said, Shakes is looking at Toast once more, wondering what she did to deserve detail. But either way, the ECO does not balk, she steps out of the head and moves to get some footwear on, the pilot going to need some more time to adorn himself in something other than just his boxers.

Cidra watches Wade and Solstice go. Expression one of worry. And no particular irritation at Solstice, so her being assigned to trail Wade was probably not some obscure form of punishment. Much as it might feel like one.

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