An official copy of the Fleet Regulations 22-102 manual is strategically displayed in the Navy Offices cubicle assigned to the VAQ-141's Squadron Leader, Captain Kal "Bootstrap" Trask. Within eye-catching distance of this manual is a fluorescent pink folder that contains copies of Form WF-1.
(As an aside, there is no actual Fleet sanctioned FR 22-102. Form WF-1 also is not on-file. The sight of such documents should warrant some confusion and/or curiosity… at least until they are actually perused. Visually speaking, they are identical to legitimate Fleet documents. The content, however, is facetious in nature.)
| FORM WF-1: HURT FEELINGS REPORT For use of this form, see FM 22-102; the proponent agency is FOC-PERS |
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| DATA REQUIRED BY THE PRIVACY COMMISSION OF 2014 AE | |||||
| AUTHORITY: | 13 COLCODE, Librum 308; 4-12, Departmental Regulations | ||||
| PRINCIPAL PURPOSE: | To assist whiners in documenting hurt feelings, and to provide leaders with a list of crewmembers who require additional counseling and extra duty. | ||||
| ROUTINE USES: | For subordinate leader development IAW FM 22-102. Leaders & whiners should use this form as necessary. | ||||
| DISCLOSURE: | |||||
| PART I – ADMINISTRATIVE DATA | |||||
| A. WHINER'S NAME (Last, First, MI) |
B. RANK/GRADE |
C. SERVICE NUMBER |
D. ORGANIZATION |
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| E. NAME & TITLE OF THE PERSON FILLING OUT THIS FORM |
F. DATE OF REPORT |
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| PART II – INCIDENT REPORT | |||||
| A. DATE OF HURTFULNESS |
B. TIME OF HURTFULNESS |
C. LOCATION OF HURTFUL INCIDENT |
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| D. NCO OR OFFICER SYMPATHETIC TO WHINER |
E. RANK/GRADE |
F. ORGANIZATION (if different from 1d above) |
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| G. NAME OF "BIG MEANIE" WHO HURT YOUR SENSITIVE FEELINGS |
H. RANK/GRADE |
I. ORGANIZATION (if different from 1d above) |
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| PART II(a) – INJURY (Mark all that apply.) | |||||
| 1. WHICH EAR HEARD THE WORDS OF HURTFULNESS? [ ] LEFT [ ] RIGHT [ ] BOTH |
2. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE? [ ] YES [ ] NO [ ] MAYBE |
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| 3. DID YOU REQUIRE A "TISSUE" FOR TEARS? [ ] YES [ ] NO [ ] MULTIPLE |
4. HAS THIS RESULTED IN A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY? [ ] YES [ ] NO [ ] MAYBE |
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| PART II(b) – REASON FOR FILING THIS REPORT (Mark all that apply.) | |||||
| [ ] I am thin-skinned | [ ] The Colonial military needs to fix my problem | ||||
| [ ] I am a wimp | [ ] My feelings are easily hurt | ||||
| [ ] I have a hormone issue | [ ] I didn't sign up for this | ||||
| [ ] I am a crybaby | [ ] I was told that I am not a hero | ||||
| [ ] I've never gotten me an award | [ ] I want my mommy | ||||
| [ ] Thermo is set too cold/hot | [ ] All of the above and more | ||||
| PART II(c) – NARRATIVE (Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt.) | |||||
| PART III ‐ AUTHENTICATION | |||||
| A. PRINTED NAME OF "BIG MEANIE" |
B. SIGNATURE |
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| C. PRINTED NAME OF WHINER |
D. SIGNATURE |
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| We, as the Colonial Fleet, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a "hugger" to you ASAP. In the event we are unable to find a "hugger," we will notify Damage Control and request that they send a waaaaahmbulance to your location. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to provide you with a "blankey," a "binky," and/or a bottle, if you so desire. | |||||
| MOD FORM WF-1: JULY 2041 AE — EDITION OF 2037 IS OBSOLETE | |||||
Mega <3 to Davis' player for suggesting all of this. Also, mucho thanks to the guy who wrote the real life WF-1 upon which this version was based.