Memoir: Second Log

Its driving me nuts. Should I have sent that letter? I didn't know how you would react to it. I don't know who opened it first, either. All I can think about is whether or not you all or okay. I don't even know if it was the right place to send you to. Gemenon? We're sending out a recon to Virgon tonight. It sounds shitty to say but I hope Picon was the only target. Whoev- Whatever did this. We're still trying to nail that down. This Lieutenant told me last night that rumors are everywhere about it being Cylons. I don't want to believe that, Chloe. Not at all. Because if it was, and they accomplished what they did versus all that arrayed firepower? I've spent the last two days trying to mull it over. Eliminating probabilities. Ignore the reports and radio calls we heard and claims by others. But not a lot is making sense otherwise. Nobody could possibly have that capability. Picon was gridded-out! Its like a sick dream. I'm just glad I didn't have to see it.

I've been trying to keep busy. In the down time, though, its impossible not to wonder. Wondering about you and the girls. The rest of the family. The Colonel stood me down off watch last night because I needed to get rack. Ha. I came back here and just stared at our pictures. Its the first time I've felt sick doing that. I'm not even sure how to face you after what we've already had to do. I don't even know if I'll have to answer for what I've done. But then again, I'm not exactly the only guilty one. A lot of things had to be done for the greater good. Where do you draw that line, though? When is it not worth it anymore? I remember in the Marines that I had to make a lot of tough calls. But I've never had to kill my brothers and sisters. Was it right? Logically I know it was the right choice. I've heard other people tell me it was. But that shit doesn't exactly quiet the questioning in the back of my head.

Quinn has been keeping me grounded. Been trying to check in on her and her likewise on me. She's concerned about me and whether or not you all are okay. She's also worried about her squadron. You'd like her. A lot. Very selfless but her almost fatalistic attitude has me nervous. We can't replace losses like her. Either in leadership or in spirit. She was with me when I had to tell Mack about Picon. Both his kids were there. The guy wants blood. Bad, too. I'm not sure I blame him. The initial shock is wearing off. When my thoughts aren't on you, they're on building information. Slowly. Slowly. That information is going to give us a picture. We're going to find out what the hell is going on and then the hammer is going to fall. We're going to hook up with the rest of the fleet and then we're going to lay on some frakking hurt.

Where the hell are you? Are you okay?

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