(This is the last journal entry written by Alessandra Sophronia, dated 12Nov2041)
It's ironic how you can be surrounded by death and not even flinch only to realize that you've been changed by it without even noticing it while it was happening. That seems to be what has happened to me.
Over the past…what is it now? Eight months? Oh Lords, how the time has flown. And we've lost so many people including several I was so very close to. Anton and Lauren, each death leaving such a hole in my heart. Even then, I find that they also returned a sense of belief into me. I had lost my belief in the Lords and lost my belief in that we'll be together again in the Elysium Fields. Maybe it is out of selfishness that I started believing again. Who can say? All I know is that I look forward to my time to cross over as I miss them both more than I can ever put into words.
<thinking back to her childhood, Allie stood next to her father, perhaps all of three years of age, in a white dress and pigtails while her father was in uniform, both watching a Viper formation take off>
Daddy, are they angels?
Angels? Why do you ask if they're angels, darling?
<Allie looks at her father, an incredulous look upon her young features as if she can't believe he had asked that>
Because all angels fly, Daddy. Everyone knows that.
<the memory fades, leaving Allie back in the present>
'All angels fly'. Such an innocent way to look at things. Such a beautiful way to feel. When did I stop believing that? Was it my training that stripped me of such idealism or was it the product of growing up my father's daughter that made such sentimentalism fade? And why am I remembering this now after almost thirty years? Is this a message? A reminder?
Looking at what has happened to us since the nuking of the Colonies, seeing how many people are flying now, are all part of our small fleet, I wonder if we were meant to stay out here. To fly forever after being elevated to angels. Each of us a beacon of hope, a reminder of love and life and the fact that we can restore life. Never to where it was before. We will never be able to go back to how things were. But we can start anew and hopefully we will have learned from our past mistakes.
Time for me to put the ruminations away as I have a CAP to prepare for. Will think more about this when I'm back.
~Allie