PHD #353: Faith of the Past
Faith of the Past
Summary: Wade and Circe speak in the temple of what is lost, trials of faith and purposes.
Date: 14 Feb 2042 AE
Related Logs: Directly following this Blood and Oil
Circe Wade 
Way too long to post here.
Post-Holocaust Day: #353

It's nearing what would be considered 'late' on ship time as Crewman Lagana rests within the temple. Her hands pressed together over the metal reliefs that are the necklaces she wears. Her words are soft in prayer and her eyes closed. She rests in nothing very religious at all, just a religion that can be considered to the service. Sweats and her grey jacket used as extra padding for her kneeling position. The swim earlier had left her hair curled and slightly frizzed, hours in the library had done nothing for her wandering thoughts that turn ever outward.

She sighs, ending her prayers for the moment and giving a roll of her bruised right shoulder. Its practically screaming an ugly purple in different shades. She opens her eyes, looks up to the altar and all it's symbols then opens her hands to look upon the symbol of Aurora and Asclepias, the metal leaving imprints in her hands.

Wade is not a man that visits the Chapel, practically never. However, recent events have made him question certain things, and so, this 'night', he decided to visit the place. When he enters, he sees Circe there but doesn't bother her. Instead, he makes his way to one of the sides and takes a seat. The man is wearing his Flight Suit at the moment, and he unzips just one part to dig inside for something, a medallion. He looks at it for a moment, in complete silence, letting his thumb run over the metal surface. He closes his eyes and mutters a prayer that, while not the most perfect prayer in the world, one would say is 'ok'.

Her hands have sweated over the length of her prayer and the smell of metal clings to her nostrils. It was the smell of home and for a moment she even catch the tang of the lake still lingering in her hair. Then the chlorine from the pool dessimates that. Home. So much simpler. Her gaze follows another that enters amongst the few that pray here as well. She rises from her knees and sits where she had been kneeling for a good while.

The crewman looks over at the pilot again, and then at his medallion she can vaguely see. Rising even more slowly to stand, she winces and reaches down to grab at her grey sweatshirt, drawing it over her arm and wrapping it into place. She slips out and starts forward, coming up to look at the medallion from behind as she then says very softly to try to not disturb the others, "Having some troubles too?" She asks of Wade.

When she approaches, Circe will be able to see that it's a Hermes medallion, what Wade is holding. He is pretty much speaking to himself so, he is just mouthing words or barely whispering them. When he hears her voice, he stops what he is doing and opens his eyes, looking at the medallion in his hands, soon letting it hang. "Well.." starts Wade, looking over his shoulder to see Circe there "I wouldn't call it troubles…I don't know, I guess I'm trying to look for answers. I am not a man of faith but…times like these…" he shrugs casually at that "What happened to your shoulder?" asks the pilot now.

She offers a gentle smile at his words of faith. Circe gives a nod of her head and then looks to her shoulder. "I was racing against the Midhshipman Dave Wright…got a little too competitve and forgot I was in a pool…just kinda flew back to Leonis and was in Lake Nemi. Hit the side." She waves her hand slightly. She gaes at the symbol of hermes. "Faith…faith is a leap of hope that something will be there to catch you when you when you start that downward arc. It's like hoping that Cerberus will be there after every CAP, that your cockpit will stay intact with every fight…that your patients will all live through what you have to do." She explains. "But its knowing that you are not alone in those beliefs." She smiles gently and looks troubled faintly. Her hand grips the back of his seat and she moves to take up a place behind him, bowing over her own hand made medallions, old and worn. "It's hoping that this frakked up mess isn't just so that we can suffer, it's for a better tomorrow. For future generations."

"Ah, so you met Wright already" says the man, nodding at that holding back a bit of an amused smile. He looks at her shoulder and winces a little "Looks painful. I would tell you to get a doctor to check that for you but, in your case." he shrugs at that and then listens to her words on what faith is. His attention returns to his medallion and he takes it again and for the longest time, he looks at it in silence "It's in everyone's minds..I want for us to find a new home, a new place to live…not here, not in space. I joined the Military willingly, but always knowing that I had a home I could visit on every shore leave, now I have nothing." He takes a deep breath and shakes his head "What about you, what is troubling you so much…I mean, being a little more specific on what you already said"

"Drips…Wade." She says, dropping callsigns. The medic is not used to them. "Home doesn't have to be planetside. It is where you are most invested, where you can find the support you need. Some people find home here, or in chapels elsewhere because they are closest with the Lords. That need not be the only place. Because as they are our LOrd's they act through us, that act as part of us and we act for them. Each of your wingmates, they are a part of that. They are your home, where you belong…." She trails off a little and smirks, bowing her head some. "Here I am spouting…forgive me. It helps. Just questioning my beliefs just like you…but for different reasons." Circe lifts her head, hazel eyes drifting to that tepid green as she stares upward at the altar as she starts, "I want a home as bad as you, I want water, earth, something that doesn't jump every day beneath my feet. I want fresh air. But I realize this…I realize that in the absence of those things I am forging a new purpose for myself..a place here. I am happy with that." She says, her eyes drifting back to him.

"Home is where the heart is huh?" asks the man, nodding at her first words. He shakes his head at this and just says "I can't have back what was taken from me, but I want a house…I want to build a house, like the one I had in Picon. Well, like my parents had in Picon…" Now, he rubs his eyes with his fingers and then runs said fingers over his hair "I have a purpose, I always had a purpose. I'm a Viper Pilot, I fight to protect this fleet, to protect what's left of the human race. I put myself in dangers so others can live." It sounds pretty depressing but he says that with a sense of pride. "But is that what we are going to do? Jumping from place to place, for the rest of our days? Or…until we run out of supplies, until we run out of fuel. These things don't last forever"

"That is what is called faith…Wade." Circe offers. She lifts her worn steel medallions and presses them to her lips - the metallic tang more clear now. The medic presses her forehead then to her hands. "We may not see it…but we will find it. It's better than giving up." She says softly. A gentle smile touches her lips and she actually looks somewhat torn. "But we are not the only ones with beliefs…we fight machines..with a function right?" She asks him. Her eyes lift to study him and his own worn expression. Nothing eats at you more than knowing - its the knowing of what is waiting at the front that will wear you down the most.

"I guess…" says Wade, looking at the floor. He leans his back against the seat and looks at the images of the Lords of Kobol. "I'm really not good for religious talk, I don't want you to feel that I try to put it aside or anything, I just don't know what to properly answer sometimes." He smiles just a little bit and then he tilts his head as he looks at her "Yes, machines with a function…their function is to kill all of us" He taps on his knees with his hands and then asks her "What is troubling you so much, I can see it in your face you know?" He smiles a little at that and then he clears his throat "Excuse me"

"I have never been good at hiding anything…" She admits and then rubs her fingers over the metal. "The skinjobs give a new meaning to what the Cylons are…they have a God. Do you know what that makes them?" She asks him almost rhetorically. Circe shakes her head, as if still trying to gather all this in, "That makes them like us…with a purpose. They have something to believe in..a power to answer to. Faith. Which means they have souls they worry over. Souls that shouldn't exist because of their fabrication." She breathes in and out, "It makes my own beliefs seem just as shallow, possibly unreal. It's like having something to hold on to and then feeling it ripped away. Because if they can believe, does that make us them in turn?

Wade listens in silence to what she says but he nods before saying "Small advise?" says Wade, smiling a little at her "I wouldn't openly discuss this matter of..Cylons having souls and Faith and…you know, all that. There are people in this fleet that can be paranoid as hell." He nods "Thoughts like that can be dangerous, don't share them with people you don't trust" He smiles a little and adds "I'm not sure on the soul, they can believe in a god but not have a soul…they are machines. Machines that worry about their self preservation. You say that they /have/ souls but the fact is…there's no proof. Nor there's proof that /we/ have souls but that's not something to discuss now. My point is. Whatever is they have…they frakked with us enough."

"Yeah, well I have to talk about it with someone." She says, giving a look to the others now in her own worried glance. Biting at her lower lip and she really gives him a look. No souls. No proof. For either cylons or humans. That causes the medic to shiver. "I like to think that I have more beyond this living hell. I have a purpose here…that I know. It's to keep you guys moving, to stop the pain, to fix the wounds." She says. "But this, this faith is what keeps me connected with those I lost, to come to terms that things are just not going to be the same." The creman stands then and moves forward to the altar, pausing to give a tug to the chain at her neck. As it gives, she steps up then and pools the chain in her hand along with the object that is stranded upon it. She lets it roll out and settle, resting there as she stares at the relief of Hestia.

Wade nods to her first words "Yes, you have to…people you trust, people you know" He smiles a little at this and then says "For example, me. I'm not saying that you trust me, or know but but at least you know you already spoke your mind with me and I didn't freak out" he chuckles a little bit at this and says "You do have a purpose, and it's a really valuable purpose. Without you, we wouldn't be able to stand up again, to continue fighting. You patch us up, we keep shooting things out of the sky. It's a fair trade, don't you think?" Now, there's a larger smile that he shows. When she stands up, he does the same, walking with her "Are you going to leave that here?" asks the man "Nothing is going to be the same, you are right, but it's our chance to make the best out of the situation that has been placed in front of us. I'm planning on doing all I can, you?"

She stands there, finally letting the last of the chain fall. There is a solid, simple ring of brass on the chain. "I am gonna do all that I can.." She says in agreement, staring at it. Circe holds tightly to the medallions still. "I am not giving up, not while people need me. I just need to stop clinging to what is lost. You know? I gotta look forward, gotta study, have to see about becoming an officer. Going through some sort of training so I can do more than just patch and hope." She looks up at him and nods her head. "There is fewer of us, we have to start picking up the slack. And I can't do this while I linger. While hope is a good thing, remorse and wishes that can not be fulfilled are bad thing to entertain when there are still so many pitfalls ahead. I will lose my way if I keep looking back." She lets out a long breath and lets a wan smile pass her lips. "Better to have learned to love and lost than to never haved loved at all, right?" She says, her gaze returning to the ring.

The Viper pilot looks at her chain as it falls, and he pays special attention to that ring of brass. He looks at her when she speaks and nods in silence "None of us will, we don't give up, we keep moving forward, we don't look back. Memories are something good to have, I treasure each and everyone of my memories. I know I can't have my family back, but I know I had them, and I keep them in my mind, and in my heart. We remember them Circe, that is what we do. Of that…we never let go." He looks into the woman's eyes and nods "You choose the path ahead of you, you walk that path. If Becoming an Officer is what you want to do, I say you should do so. If your hope is to be able to so more than patch and hope, then you know what you have to do." Now, he smiles softly and says "Tho, if you don't mind me saying, I think you are great at what you do, don't think that it's little." As for the last, he tilts his head from side to side and presses his lips together before saying "It's a way of putting it, yeah. The basic concept applies"

"Thanks.." She says softly, still many of her worries remain hidden, veiled now thanks to a hint of a need for caution. Circe nods her head, as if accepting the ring. "The BS Athena, we haven't heard from it. I can't assume anything. Life goes on." She says to herself. "Besides, they are all with me right now. As you said, memories." She smiles up at him, giving a tuck of curls behind her ear. She looks to the Hermes medallion and then pulls free one of those she carries. "It's not as impressive..but Asclepius was once a mortal…" She offers it to him, extending it. "I find it easier to accept.." She lets the pendant sway, hover as she means for him to take it.

Wade examines her for a moment, and then nods in silence "There are people, who others call Cylon Lovers…why? Because they can be 'pro' Cylon in their way of thinking /or/ simply because some people is paranoid enough to think their views make them pro cylons." He nods and adds "This is what I mean, when I first told you you should be careful. I know you are not Pro Cylons, but you have to be careful with how you…/word/ things" He smiles a little and then looks at the medallion he offers. He looks at it for quite a few long seconds before he looks back at her "Circe, I can't accept it, it is yours and should always remain with you." He shakes his head at this and adds "Please don't take me wrong, what you just have done meant a lot to me…it really did. And I beg you to keep it, and your faith will run strong"

"It's good for people, good for all of us to consider what the presence is that they call their God." She says very softly and then draws the hand made pendant back. She gazes down at the nearly worn off symbol of Asclepius. "It's not me I worry about. I know my strength in my convictions. It is you that is uncertain. You stated so yourself." Circe draws a long breath and curls the hand wove cord around her palm, still scenting the metallic tang from it. "I will be there when you need me. In the med bay or on the deck. Just try not to fly too bravely okay? Brave makes for damaged pilots." She tries to play it off with a smile. She doesn't do heavy well. "Would hate to be having to put you on a stretcher. That is /not/ your purpose." She intones. "Building that house of yours is." She says with a warmth that slowly returns. "Gotta hold out for that house with the great view." She turns from the altar, having deposited her gift.

Wade looks at her hand as she draws it back with the pendant. He extends his hands and gently take her own, guiding her to a fist. "Don't take this as a rejection, please…" He smiles softly as he lets his hands move back. "My convictions are…being rebuilt, evolved…" A single nod to this and he can't help but to smile at what she says "Couldn't ask for anything better" As for the rest "Pilots, are a rare breed, Circe. Specially Viper pilots…sometimes it's not enough to do our best, you know? Sometimes we have to do what's required, for our people" He nods to her and smiles "But, I'll be careful, that I promise to you. And so far it has worked rather well. I mean, just neck whiplash? That's not bad at all" His smile is honest, this is the truth. When she turns from the altar, he does the same and says to her "I must take my leave now, my CAP starts in about 30 minutes. There are a lot of things to be done before I can launch" He takes one step away but still looking at her "We'll see each other again, worry not" And with that, he leaves.

Her brows lift as he speaks, taking her hand in his. As she grips the metal forged pieces of in her hand, Circe looks down. She draws a long breath, her head tilting. "I won't." she say sand listens as he explains about being a pilot, about giving more than what is safe. She was safe here on the ship, but when they needed ground units, she would act much the same as he did. The medic understands at least the need to be, to belong and to act, "Go take care of that CAP. We are on the same ship, if I don't see you again, then I will worry." She says.

She lets him head out first, her gaze drifting back to the ring left for the Lord's. The weight of it from around her neck gone and lessened. Even blanketed with her questions, Circe is given a new lead to walk, a path that separates from her last riddled with uncertainties. Even if it was just a symbol - they all carry weight. She lingers only moments more before she steps out and heads for the sick bay to get some more compresses for her shoulder.

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